Friday, September 12th, 2014 will always remain the worst day of my life.
I woke up to a normal day with the sun shining brighter than normal. The schedule of the day was to go to campus, pay up my tuition and meet with friends later that evening.
All was good till I got shocking news that I'd been discontinued from the university for spending a full year off(Reasons for another day), so the only option left was to re-apply, and start the whole course all afresh, not forgetting that I had only 1 year, ONE YEAR left on my course of 3 years. Now that broke my heart. I felt like breaking down. I was falling apart. I was so hurt. But I had to accept the reality that whereas my education is on a standstill, life, even when it's not that sweet, has to go on.
So I held the tears back, composed myself and went to town. Met my friend Moses for a while, and Judy later in the evening. All went well with her till just after parting with her, I received a call from Moses. That my girlfriend was dead!!!! Like, real death. I couldn't believe it so I switched off my phone for over 2hrs and called back later for confirmation. It was true!!!
My only love passed away that evening after battling viral mengitis for over 4 months!!! I broke down into tears. I asked myself what was the point of even being alive when the only person I was living for is dead??
See I've been through a lot in this short life of mine(looks like I'm still going through it!!). I've faced all kinds of disappointments, I've been hated by people who'd have loved me the best. My dreams were shattered by people who'd have helped me turn them into reality.
But despite all that, I'd found love. I'd found love from someone unusual. Someone with an extraordinary heart of gold. Someone who knew how my life was imperfect but decided to love me anyways. Because she saw a better version of me. Because she believed in me. And I loved her more than anything in this world, because of many reasons, a whole lot of which are quite inexplicable, but most of all she made me a better person.
In a life full of sadness, in a timeframe of only 2 years we were in love, she was my source of happiness. My life felt so meaningless sometimes, she gave meaning to my life. She was all I was living for. She completed me. She made me see goodness in life. With her I always felt like I had everything. Right now I feel soo empty! Why did she have to go this early and leave my world so empty???? Why?????
Truth is, you don't meet people like Fazirah everyday, every month, nor really let's face it, every lifetime but for some reason, God gifted her to me. He took a fat chunk of her heart and took a fat chunk of my heart and fused them together to make this beautiful, somewhat eccentric mould, that just wouldn't work as well without the other. Some said we were soul mates. I can't disagree. I just know that we would do anything for one another, at any time of the day or night and she made my life a whole lot better for being in it. I wouldn't be where I am, have what I have(what do I even have now??), without her. I just wouldn't. It's gonna take me a lifetime to forget her.
So how am I supposed to cope up with all the pain, hurt, loneliness, and hopelessness?? Knowing that now I can never listen to her voice again, knowing that I can never dial my favourite number again, and there can never be even a single word coming from the other side?? How am I supposed to love again, when the only person that taught me how to love is gone? Where am I gonna find happiness from? How am I gonna be strong when my backbone is broken?? At this point of my life I'm seeing no light.
My world is falling apart, there's no light to break up the darkness. I'm seeing waves flooding the shore of my life, and I can't find my way home anymore. This is when I, I, I look at you God.
Dear God,
Please heal this big wound. Please let the sun shine on me now, because I soo need it. I thank you for her short life. I thank you for having let me share it with her. Please forgive her all where she didn't do as you'd wished, and lastly, please grant her an everlasting home of peace, Jannah.
MAY HER BEAUTIFUL SOUL REST IN ETERNAL PEACE. AMEEN.
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