Life, love and laughter.: I am too hard to love.

I will admit I am too hard to love. I am reckless and sometimes inconsiderate. I am careless and I don’t take quite a lot of things serious. And I’ve seen people hate me for that. I have had my relationships end because the other party felt like I was not being serious with our relationship. Sometimes I wonder how serious they want me to be. But yeah, deep, deep inside, I know it’s true I wasn’t serious enough.

Too hard to love, yet too easy to leave.

I am too hard to love. I am too picky. I consider a lot of things before I get serious with someone. Anyone. On top of those things is the ability to make me laugh. My life is a sad one, so I find a lot of solace in laughing. If someone can make me laugh a lot, I know it’s obvious that we will click right away. We’ll understand each other’s humour with much ease. Now if you can’t do that, we can’t be. We just can’t be.

Other things include having nice feet. Or toes. Yes. Those little fingers down there should be on point. I really reeaallyy hate ugly feet. You know toes with rugged dark or even missing nails? Um um. It won’t work out. No matter how gorgeous all the other features on you are, the picture of your ugly feet will stay on my mind all the time and cloud my vision of anything else on or about you.

You must be smart.

Please, if you have such feet, don't talk to me.

Not the Einstein smart, but the reasonable smart. I don’t want to be stuck with a dummy. I guess nobody ever wants to be stuck with a slow person. Slow people suck. And again, not just for me, but I guess for everyone. You must be able to reason in a reasonable way (Ha! See what I did there). I hate repeating myself over and over again, I hate stupid questions. I have been told it’s impossible so many times, but for some reason, I wish I’d get someone who thinks exactly like me. Don’t tell me about how like poles always repel each other, I am not a magnet.

This kind of dumbness is not acceptable in my world.

I didn’t know this, but my language offends some people. Recently, I thought I had found someone really awesome. Make no mistake, she is still awesome. We started talking in May this year, and over the months, she has been my favourite person to talk to. My chat was always lit when she was online. Our phone conversations would go on for hours, only cut short by either sleep, or credit. But last week, I said the F-word and she got really reeaallyy mad. I was obviously kidding about the whole situation but she took it quite serious and said she was displeased with how frequent I was using the swear words in our conversations. And I think that was the end for us. I miss every little bit of whatever we had between us was. Whether it was chemistry, or physics, I’m not sure, all I know is we hadn’t yet got to the biology level, but I miss it. Although I don’t think we will have it again. Even when we start talking again, it can never be like the first time. Because I will have to consciously guide my language and almost the entire conversation to be clean. Damn.

I’m too hard to love. I know that communication is key in every relationship, but sometimes, for some reason I also don’t know, I fail to keep in frequent communication. I don’t know that business of calling someone like 3 times every single day to check on them. Damn I even struggle at calling even once every day. I like giving people space to do whatever they want to do, and tell me only what’s needed to be told. Some people call me and say, “But Norman, you’ve spend 3 days without talking to me, what did I do wrong?” And honestly, there’s nothing wrong I just don’t feel like calling one person every day.

I am too hard to love, because I am no angel. I make mistakes, sometimes I can be intolerable. That is why I always, ALWAYS to the highest degree, appreciate those few people that tolerate me, those few wonderful people that see beyond all my shortcomings and decide to love me anyway. My language gets offensive but they bear with it. I don’t constantly stay in contact but they don’t get tired of looking for me. I get careless but they decide to be careful for me. I am inconsiderate but they consider almost everything for me. I will forever be grateful for you, you, and you. You all know yourselves. You love me even when I sometimes make it hard for you.