Have you ever felt like you're at war with yourself?

Have you ever felt like you're at war with yourself? I mean there’s a way you want to do things but there’s a part of you that keeps doing things its own way. The completely different way. A wrong way. Everyone around keeps asking you why you are doing things the wrong way, or keep saying the wrong things, or just keep doing the wrong things. They probably think you do them willingly. They don’t know that you are actually at war with your inner self. You are like constantly battling an unseen demon from inside. The sad thing though is that from the look of things, it is winning. It is almost overpowering you. It is making it look like you aren’t doing anything about it. People on the outside can never see that you’re actually at war. Because part of you shows them a smile that represents a happy life, and another part of you cries itself to bet in your room. You are at war with something unseen, something that seems to be more powerful.

You obviously don’t want to go through the trouble of explaining what you are seriously feeling inside because apart from the fact that it is an indeed a tedious job, you also feel that no one will understand, help, or even better, care. I mean you feel like everyone is fighting a different battle and you’re afraid of adding them your troubles. The troubles you are even not sure of what the cause is. Ok maybe you know the cause, but you absolutely have no idea how you going to overcome them. Life can be really tough sometimes.

There are times when life sucks every kind of joy out of you, and you wish you’d go back to the time when everything was good. When you didn’t have to worry about anything, let alone anybody. The times when you used to take so much better care of yourself. But with every passing day, the hope in his eyes vanished a little more until it completely disappeared when he dropped out of school. He used to be a dreamer, a committed optimist with a heart of gold. He still has a heart of gold, but everything else has changed. As life becomes more challenging, pimples appear, wrinkles crease his face, and finally everything is as if someone has robbed the man of his soul. He’s a believer. He prays to God but doesn’t see any change in his situation. Some few people who understand his situation keep telling him to keep his head high, keep on praying and have faith, but maannn, he feels like God is not listening to him.

So part of him keeps believing that one day, just one lucky good day, he’ll make it. Everything will finally fall into place and all of a sudden make sense to him. And then there’s this part of him that says naah. That part keeps reminding him of his troubles and worries and woos and sufferings and etc. That part actually clearly tells him that he’s indeed fucked. And this part actually makes more sense to him because it reflects the reality of his situation. I mean no job no family no house no money no nothing. So he’s at loggerheads with himself. He’s battling his other part. How does a man in so much pain, heartaches, suffering and worries conquer himself and get a positive transformation??

Do you ever feel like you are at war with yourself? Have you ever been in that situation where you don’t know what to do?? What did you do? What do you do??