Just like Bitature, here are the top five contracts Ugandans signed by mistake

The past few days have been filled with news of the ongoing financial and legal battle between city businessman Patrick Bitature of Simba Group, and Vantage Capital, a South African financial institution.

It is a long story, and a lot has happened between the two parties with Vantage saying they lent Bitature about $10 million in 2014, but he has defaulted on that loan since then, and it has accumulated to a whopping $34 million.

Lawyers, financial experts, wannabes, and numerous people with limited to no knowledge of finance and law have given their unsolicited opinions, some useful, some biased, and some way out of context. The last nail to the coffin was when Bitature’s lawyer, Fred Muwema said his client signed the loan agreement by mistake.

See, if I signed a loan of such an enormous amount by mistake, the logical thing to me would be to either discuss better terms or return the money. But I am probably thinking that way because my net worth is not even $10K. Although Ugandans have come out to mock Bitature for signing a $10 million loan agreement by mistake, I think we shouldn’t fault him that much, since we have also signed quite a number of contracts by mistake, and my top five of such things are below:

1.      To be in Uganda

Listen, Uganda is a beautiful country, one of the most beautiful in the world even. We have the source to the longest river in the world, we have snow-capped mountains in the west (although they’re melting away), we have the chimps, the rhinos, the thrilling falls, the lovely rolex (we even have a Guinness World Record for that thing), among so many others. However, a lot of things happen in this country and make you realise it was a mistake to live in this country. Oh, you want me to mention them? You know them very well. To give you a starter, go to Entebbe airport and see how many of our young girls are running away to “better” countries in the Middle East, every single day. Living in Uganda is so tiring, physically and mentally, no wonder 14 million of us are mentally ill.

Here is a video explaining that mental illness bit: Witchcraft Causing Mental illness!! Ugandan Women and Taste Better Than Kenya's!!.(EPISODE 11) - YouTube

2.      Our love for the Uganda Cranes

It is no doubt our national football team, the Uganda Cranes, is the most followed team in any sports discipline in this mistaken country, and yes, we signed our love contract with this team by mistake. We love it, we follow it, and we support it whenever it plays. However, we get little to no joy in supporting it. The team keeps disappointing us on the biggest stage, bar a few good moments here and there. Had we known it would be like this, we would have devoted our love and resources to other sports that actually try to win something. Like athletics. Those medals won and worn by our runners are a joy to watch. Like netball. Our girls have represented us at the Netball World Cup, Netball African tournaments, etc, and perform exceptionally well.

3.      Men sending money to women for transport

At some point, almost every Ugandan middle-aged man has sent transport money to a woman and she failed to show up. Some unsuspecting men have fallen victims to this vice from some merciless women repeatedly, so much so that some are proposing it to be treated as treason. This is a contract they sign mistakenly, continuously. Had we got good counsel from those who know that you shouldn’t send her transport unless you’re at a better stage in your relationship, we wouldn’t be making this mistake.

Here's the video that explains how terrible "eating" transport money is: Eating Our Transport Money is Treason/ Telling Agold Digger - YouTube

4.      Telecoms

The contract Ugandans mistakenly signed with telecoms is filled with bad and exhaustive terms and conditions, with fake promises. Uganda pays one of the highest costs on data on the continent with unreliable network and speed. We are promised 4G speeds but most times we get 3G, and sometimes, especially upcountry, we are struggling with 1.5G (Edge)! Imagine. If we knew that this is how things would go, we would just stock pigeons, pens, and paper for our communication. Trusting these telecoms was a mistake.

5.      Our contract with Umeme

This is self-explanatory so I will not even spend any time on it. To show you how bad it is, we are always actually surprised whenever it rains and the power doesn’t go off. It’s about to rain here and I need to charge my devices before the power gets off so bye.